


you make it so hard (not to love you)

by krashlyntome (bestthreemonths)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7277965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/krashlyntome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashlyn admires everything about Ali, but her grace and composure in tough situations makes her fall in love all over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you make it so hard (not to love you)

**Author's Note:**

> So for my birthday (tomorrow if you were wondering, I accept Starbucks gift cards and sexts) I'm giving you guys a present? I guess???

Ashlyn would rather be spending her day off anywhere but here, walking the white hallways that try so hard to reflect sterility and cleanliness, but really just feel empty and soulless. She’d especially rather do something a lot more fun on one of the few days she gets to spend with Ali before she goes home, but that's not an option.

The warmth of Ali’s hand in her own makes the hospital feel a little less cold, and when she walks onto the floor and the nurses greet them with sympathetic smiles, Ali’s the one holding her up, whether she knows it or not.

“Hey, you okay?” Ali whispers, and Ashlyn knows she must be noting the sudden change in her heart rate and the clamminess of her palms. There's a conspicuous absence of any term of endearment, which Ashlyn knows is force of habit when they're in public, but she yearns for a “baby” or a “sweetheart.”

She nods, but squeezes Ali’s hand tighter.

Ali's the one who checks them in, who tells the nurse at the desk that she likes her Scooby Doo scrubs even though they seem out of place to Ashlyn, more fitting in the pediatrics unit or some floor where people aren't dying. Then again, she realizes, this is a hospital. That floor probably doesn't exist. Maybe dying people like Scooby Doo. Maybe their families can smile when they catch a glimpse of her scrubs and remember their favorite episode and the gang’s silly antics.

The nurse takes Ali’s photo and prints a badge for her, handing over Ashlyn’s pre-existing pass. Ali, ever on brand, squints at her own picture and Ashlyn’s, comparing the quality. Eventually, she resigns herself to satisfaction with the photo as she clips it on her shirt, following Ashlyn down the hall to her grandmother’s room.

“Grandma?” Ashlyn asks softly, opening the door.

“Come in,” she says, smiling up from the book she's reading in her chair. “If it isn't my favorite girl! And my granddaughter.”

Ali grins, walking over to hug her gingerly, careful to avoid the wires. “I've missed you!” she exclaims.

“Oh, hush, you've seen me more in the past three months than in the past three years,” Eunice says. “I'm starting to think you'd rather visit Ashlyn than me.”

“What?” Ali gasps. “Never.”

“If I hadn't threatened that I’d write her out of my will, she would have been selfish and kept you all to herself while you're in town.”

“Not true, Grandma,” Ashlyn says, rolling her eyes. “Ali wouldn't have gone back home without seeing you first.”

“That's true,” Ali says, eyeing Eunice’s bag of entertainment supplies for her hospital stay. “Oh my gosh, are you knitting again? You never taught me like you said you would last Christmas!”

“There's no time like the present,” says the older woman, beaming as she reaches for her knitting.

Ashlyn watches for the next two hours as Ali and her grandma chat about everything under the sun, all while knitting (and failing to knit) and playing cards. Not once do they broach the subject of cancer or chemo or any of the things that underscore all the conversations in this building. And Ashlyn sees her grandmother light up, talking with more enthusiasm and energy than she has in months.

“Ashlyn, sweetheart?” Ali says softly, shaking Ashlyn from her daze. “Is there coffee in this hospital?”

“Yeah, I'll get you a cup,” Ashlyn says. “Grandma? Water or anything?”

“I'm okay, sweetheart,” Eunice says, smirking as she mimics Ali, who rolls her eyes and smiles.

As soon as Ashlyn’s out the door, her grandma sets her cards on the table face down.

“So,” she says. “I'm going to die.”

“Grandma!” Ali exclaims.

“No, don't,” she says, waving her off. “If it's not today, it'll be next week. If it's not next week, it'll be next year. The when doesn't matter. The point is, one day I'm going to die. We all are.”

Ali nods slowly.

“And when I do, all I want is to know all my babies are taken care of. My kids and their kids… and their kids’ kids if they ever get around to having any.”

“They will be,” Ali assures her.

“I know,” Eunice says. “I know my job in this life was to provide for those kids and make them feel loved and help them however I could. And sometimes I failed.”

“You didn't.”

“I did,” she insists. “But that's okay. We all fail. The best sign of a job well done is that I know they'll all be okay without me. I mean, I was worried about Ashlyn for a while, you know.”

Ali laughs. “She knows how to worry the people who love her.”

“I stopped worrying when I met you,” she says. “I don't have to worry about her feeling love every day of her life as long as she has you. And I don't have to worry about not being around to hold her when she cries because she has you.”

Ali's lower lip juts out as she tries not to get emotional.

“I’d like to be around when you two finally get your act together and get married and have babies, but I know it'll happen eventually, and if those babies are anything like you, I'll be proud to have them as great grandchildren.”

“I'd be proud to be part of your amazing family,” Ali says just as Ashlyn walks in.

“Are we talking about marriage again?” Ashlyn groans. “I've tried, Gram. She won't get drunk with me in Vegas or else we’d have gotten married four times by now.” She kisses Ali on the cheek and hands her the coffee. “Don't let her give you any crazy ideas now,” she whispers, but Ali just smirks, sipping her coffee.

~

They leave when Eunice gets tired, exchanging hugs and kisses and promises that Ali will make an honest woman out of Ashlyn one of these days.

As soon as they get in the car, Ashlyn takes a deep breath, trying to collect herself so she doesn't start crying, but Ali notices. Ali always notices.

“Are you okay?” Ali asks, resting a hand on Ashlyn’s knee.

“It's hard,” Ashlyn says, giving up any illusion that she won't cry as the tears fall. “She’s always been so strong for me, so it's hard to see her like that.”

“I know,” Ali agrees, rubbing her back.

“How do you do it?” Ashlyn asks. “You're so good with her it's like she forgot she was sick. And I'm her granddaughter and I can't spend more than five minutes in there without getting emotional.”

“I couldn't tell,” Ali says. “Think about it, though. I know you love her and you think about her a lot, but your life is pretty normal when you aren't with her. You only get upset when you're with her or thinking about her being sick. But for her, that's all day every day, whether she's in the hospital or at home or at the store or with family. So if we can go and take her mind off of it and make her feel normal for a little bit, I think that's super important.”

Ashlyn nods, wiping a tear away. It makes a lot of sense, of course, in a logical way, but she can't be logical when her emotions flare like this. 

As if reading her mind, Ali smiles, tilting Ashlyn’s chin up so she can lean over the console and kiss her salty lips. “It's okay if it's not that easy for you. That's what I'm here for.”

“What about when I'm old?”

“Depends, are you going to be as much of a baby as you are when you get a cold?”

“Worse.”

Ali pretends to think about it before rolling her eyes and kissing Ashlyn’s lips again. “Of course,” she says. “If it were possible for me to stop loving you I would have done it by now. Probably the first time you put one of my dry-clean only dresses in the washing machine.”

“Even I couldn't believe I survived that one.”

“And yet you've managed to do it at least once a year ever since.”

Ashlyn laughs, unable to help herself. “Marry me,” she says.

“‘Kay,” Ali says, smirking.

“I'm serious,” Ashlyn says. “I need to know I get you forever.”

Ali stares at her, stunned. It's not the first time they've discussed marriage, as it's pretty much an unspoken agreement by now that they'll get married when they get through the distance and to a point in their careers where they can settle down and focus on starting a family. This is, however, the first time Ashlyn has asked for verbal confirmation of that.

“Ali…”

“Of course I'll marry you,” Ali says, kissing her on the cheek. “That's been my plan all along.”

Ashlyn turns Ali’s head to kiss her on the lips, not caring about the fact that they're still technically in public, even in a relatively dark parking garage.

When Ali finally pulls away, she bites her lip and smiles. “You know this doesn’t get you out of a real proposal, though, right?”


End file.
